What Works for Us: Learn how other parents handle day-to-day ups and downs.

Susan Scheid is a veteran at shepherding Cassie, her eleven-year-old daughter, through life’s special challenges. Cassie has Down syndrome, epilepsy and celiac disease, and has weathered surgeries, doctors’ appointments, and the move to a new home and public school—all with mom by her side. Susan has worked closely with teachers and school boards to assure that her fifth grader is given work that suits her potential. However, Susan wishes she could do more to help her socially.  “Friendships are our biggest issue right now,” says the Columbus, Ohio mom. 

Cassie’s language delays make it difficult for children to understand her. “Kids her age love her and are very sweet with her, but treat her more like a baby sister than a playmate,” says Susan. “She needs our constant supervision, but typically-developing tweens don’t want someone’s mom or dad hovering and their interests are more sophisticated. So Cassie frequently winds up playing off to the side by herself, or with much younger kids,” says Susan.

The Scheid family recently moved across town, and being the new kid on the block complicates things. The friends Cassie has known since kindergarten are now all a half-hour away, making it difficult to arrange play dates around homework and therapy appointments. Since she doesn’t attend her neighborhood school, locals don’t get to know her. “Even I feel a little isolated,” says Susan. “But I’ve learned that you’ve got to keep experimenting with different solutions, until you find the combination that works.”

Here are some strategies Susan recommends:

• Find a group. You can find social opportunities for children with special needs through your county and state. Cassie’s involved in Special Olympics and gymnastics, which she takes with a friend from her old school. While the kids fraternize and improve gross motor skills, Susan gets face time with other parents.  Susan is also considering starting a church group for families with children with special needs.
• Teach smart phone skills. Just like any other tween, Cassie loves talking to classmates on the phone but she doesn’t always know how to keep the conversation flowing. Susan puts her on speakerphone and cues her with questions like, “Why don’t you ask Lauren what toy she’s playing with?” She repeats what Cassie says so the other child can understand her.
• Hire a play coach. Susan is checking with high schools and college special education departments to see if she can recruit a student to play outside with Cassie, initiating group games and helping her navigate the social scene. “I figure other kids will be more receptive to playing if Cassie has a cool, young fun helper,” says Susan. She hasn’t found the right candidate yet, but is convinced that the perfect person is out there. She’s broadened her search by advertising with Craigslist and SitterCity.com, and registering with a college nanny service. “Tap into all your resources,” says Susan. “Our caseworker is helping to spread the word, and is putting us in touch with other parents who face this issue, too. Connecting with others helps you feel empowered and less isolated.”

HOW DO YOU HELP YOUR CHILD WITH SPECIAL NEEDS MAKE FRIENDS?  Share your tips or comments by creating a forum. Our message boards give you a community of other parents to brainstorm with. You don’t have to go this alone!